Monday, August 21, 2006

Daily updates, Day 6

Most of my mind today has been taken up with trying to decide whether or not to take an apartment slightly out of my budget range. It's beautiful, and perfect, and just barely too expensive. It's got a charming roommate with a darling cat. It looks like a home, not an apartment. And I keep telling myself I will take the plunge and do it, and then I remember that I really need to be taking voice lessons, and maybe organ lessons, and ideally Alexander Technique lessons, and that I'm still in a place where music is likely to cost more than it pays, and then I feel that I can't go forward with it.

This is all made harder by the fact that I feel that I got this degree, and now I somehow am not managing to do anything with it. It's very hard not to feel that the only explanation is that I haven't tried hard enough. I have classmates with music jobs (in fact, I can't think of someone in the program with me that doesn't have a music job) but here I am wondering if I should go back into tech support to pay off student loans. This feeling of "failing to be a musician" is common, I know - I've talked with friends about it - but that doesn't make it particularly easier to handle.

5 comments:

  1. You know that I'm one of those "failing to be a musician" people. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but hang in there. You are an absolutely fabulous musician, and you'll make it! I would sing in your choir any day. :)

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  2. Hi Allegra. These are tough times. I have been applying to teaching jobs (public HS) like crazy and they keep ignoring me because I don't have a credential. I'm still at it nonetheless. Private is always an option, but nothing good has come up (of course, there's pretty much no way to find out about those other than by word of mouth!). Its especially discouraging when I look at our fellow grads and what they are up to: way cooler stuff than me. Hey, at least you're being published in Jordan's new book! I've just beeing playing my sax at various jazz gigs and learning how to surf. I should be practicing piano or studying scores or blah blah blah. The more I look around and read about great conductors it seems to all come down to one of two things: being a child prodigy or maintaining as much involvement as possible and being in the right place at the right time. I guess you and I have the first part down. Now for the second...

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  3. Requesting another blog entry!

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  4. To christianne:

    Your wish is my command!

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  5. Ryan Osinski5:02 AM

    ... I mean we have the first down, as in, maintaining involvement... not being child prodigies... unless you were one and I never heard.

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